Lately I have had panic attacks, strife and anxiety beyond what I have had to endure for a really long time. What has caused all of this? In part I am sure it is my immune system worn down from having to fight so hard to get basic rights I see others take for granted! I can say this now from a renewed sense of security from believing in and hearing the solid words from attorney Warren Lupell an his assistant, Aoena Brown from the law firm of Katz, Randall, and Weinburg. Their words have been the serum or vitamins I need so desperately. They have given me some hope.

Warren Lupell derived some fame in 1985 when he took the case of Gary Dobson. Dobson, who was falsely charged with rape, never met the girl who had accused him. After six years the girl recanted her story, but the state refused to believe her. Eventually the DNA test, one of the first ever done, set Mr. Dobson free. I am truly blessed to have Mr. Lupell filing in federal court on my behalf.

But in the meantime I have been at my wits end---- I mean minute by minute struggling to cope. Most only think they know what I am talking about. In here (prison) nobody cares about you one way or another. There is no one to turn to. You may think staff is here for you. But open up and express your feelings to them and they either lock you up on suicide watch - stripped naked in a barren cell with no mattress in plain view of staff and inmates alike - Or they place negative reports in your file that you can never be understood in context by a third party, such as a parole board. You are in here around lots of people but there are no safe ports to anchor and rest or to vent overflowing frustrations!

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. The goal becomes to make sure there are no negative reports. So you make it through with little more than hope and prayer. I sure hope this is making sense to the readers.

The bottom line is that lately I have been right out on the psychological ledge of this emotional skyscraper several times in one day. Multiply that with being ignored and placated and being flat out lied to by your attorney (Attorney name withheld at Wil's request ) and the stress is through the roof. The only thing that has sustained me is hope and my mental image of walking through those doors a free man one day vindicated. I so badly want to walk into the arms of those who love me and being able to help my dear mother who is aged and very ill.

I tell you only the strong make it through a false incarceration! Those who are guilty enjoy the leisure time afforded them by prison and are glad they got off easy. For a falsely accused person it is a total nightmare that does not go away. Example - Imagine being inside a big duffel bag punching and clawing until your arms are so heavy you can hardly move them, but your brain says, keep trying to free yourself. Then, after about an hour your brain begins to wear down as well. Try living like that for seven days a week, 365 days a year times 16 years. Sure, you get to the place where you can sleep it off.... But once you wake up it's right back at it psychologically struggling to think of new leads, info, issues... Again were it not for hope and that literal picture I have of walking out of here into the arms of those who love me there would have been no way I could have withstood this living hell for all of these years.

So, you think you got problems fella? You don't even know how bad it could be. One day in my moccasins and you'd be the leader of our band banging that big marching drum. I've aid all of this to say, do a little more, get others involved and above all else don't ever fool yourself into thinking that it can't happen to you. They're new prisons more than ever right now and they will be kept full.

All of my state remedies have been exhausted. It is time to move into federal court and all of this keeps me on edge. Nevertheless, because of certain case precedents I keep thinking that my case in federal court should be a dead ringer success right off the bat. My reasoning and hope are based in part on the fact that judges in the federal courts are appointed, whereas state judges are elected. Elected judges are more susceptible to politics and public pressure to be tough on anyone convicted no matter what the merrits.

The contributions from National Coalition of Free Men (NCFM) supporters have made my struggle possible. I can not express enough... here today, the gratitude and heartfelt fraternity with the members of NCFM. Greg Singer, Betty Duffey and Tom Williamson have allowed me to lean on them for a lot of years. I couldn't have withstood the gravity of gloom and/or the abominable depression, day in and day out, were it not for these long term lifeguards holding my head above the waterline many many times. If they had not been there for me I surely would have given up and been swept away in this raging current of the... JUST-US System.

William J. Hetherington